Finding the balance between living your daily life as a functioning human being and that secret side of you that is mysterious, delicate, and perhaps even a bit dark, is something I am awfully familiar with.
Balancing my own needs as well as the needs of others around me, is something I came here to master.
Ill explain a little further how this shows up in my astrological birth chart and how everything we are, truly is written in the stars.
In my natal astrological chart, my South Node is in Libra which is all about balance, equilibrium, order and justice, and is also located in my 12th House of Un-Doing.
For those of you not familiar with what Nodes are, they are not planets but a pair of astrological points that speak of positive qualities that we need to develop and negative qualities to release.
In classical astrology, the North Node was called the Dragon’s Head and The South Node the Dragon’s Tail, symbolizing a celestial Dragon.
A person entered life “head first” carrying positive qualities to work with, and trailing a “tail” of negative qualities to dispense with.
The South Node shows negative behaviour to release and destructive patterns to let go of.
The North Node denotes qualities to expand, gifts to use, your life purpose, and tasks to be mastered.
With the full moon happening today 28.3.2021 which is also in Libra in my 12th House, the current energies are a perfect time for me to share my experiences with balancing being human and the darker spiritual side of me.
We are all spiritual beings.
Multidimensional beings and we all have access to whatever we desire.
However, in order for us to get what we desire, we have to understand what aspects of us are getting in the way of us manifesting our dreams and desires in physical form.
My North Node is in Aries, I am here to lead, to be in charge and to control my own projects and plans, and not be under anyone else’s thumb.
Which is a very different energy to my South Node in Libra, which is all about keeping the balance & equilibrium.
In other lifetimes I became an expert in keeping the balance and equilibrium to please others but at the expense of my own happiness and truth.
These are the negative qualities I have brought with me into this lifetime (my South Node) that have held me back from embodying that Aries energy of the leader and fulfilling my life purpose (my North Node).
I have always disliked authority; it doesn’t work with my energy and I have never been a fan of being told what to do (even though I trained to be a lawyer and I have spent my 10-year career working for other people) ironic really don’t you think?!
I worked at 6 different legal firms and I only ever stayed there for a few years maximum because everywhere I went, I had a problem with authority.
So I would always find an issue with somebody that I didn’t like or agree with, they would feel the sting of my Scorpion tale (I’m Scorpio rising 😉) and my body would be screaming at me that something just wasn’t right.
This was a pattern everywhere I went.
It showed up at work, in my life in general and I just couldn’t get on with people telling me what to do no matter how hard I tried.
But because I was an expert in keeping the peace and I had been programmed to care about what others thought of me above what I thought of myself, I would tell myself that maybe the next firm I worked for would be better and I must keep pushing on and make my career work.
At the time I had little awareness about myself at all and I identified myself with the person I had become from what I was taught and how I was conditioned in this lifetime.
It wasn’t until later through working with various spiritual teachers and mentors did I realise that my body is actually my gift, and I feel things on a much deeper level than others.
Then it clicked… my body was trying to tell me the whole time that the situation just wasn’t right for me.
I was trying so hard to keep the balance and do what was ‘seen as the right thing or accepted by others’ that I was going against what I had incarnated to overcome, and my body was literally screaming at me to listen.
I now understand why my body was so unhappy for years, riddled with anxiety, tense, heavy, unbalanced and a general feeling of being disconnected from myself.
I identified the way I felt with generalised and social anxiety which had a very powerful hold over me for most of my adult life.
That leader in me wanted so badly to come through and looking back, I can see so clearly many times where I have tried to embody the energy of my Aries North Node, but it came across as aggressive, forceful or egoic… because I was disempowered with who I was and I had a lot of unschooling to do before I could confidently embody that energy.
So I retracted and went back to what I knew all too well, the energy of my Libra South Node and keeping the balance to please others.
It felt so shit and having the awareness that I have now, I can understand why it felt so shit.
I also lived a very hedonistic lifestyle for over a decade of my life taking drug and drinking alcohol every weekend.
Party girl Gret knew exactly how to rebel and take flight from reality, and these patterns too were the negative qualities of my South Node.
All of which gradually took a bit more of soul every time I engaged in life as that aspect of me. I was addicted to those patterns and behaviours for most of my life up until very recently, as recent as 1 week ago for some of the negative qualities.
I have only just fully learnt the lesson of understanding that although I know I am here to be a leader and a maverick with the impact and transformation I am here to make on the world, I still have to value and respect that there will always be people with authority in one respect or another.
I am here to learn from others, and I had developed a pattern of not valuing people that had no value to me.
Anything I did not value, I dismissed, including my jobs and relationships.
This led me to understand that I was not allowing myself or others to build a relationship with me because I was so stubborn and adamant in my beliefs that I was in a way arrogant to anybody else’s beliefs or position in life.
I wasn’t willing to give my all to something I did not value, and that has been a lesson I have had to experience through polarity time and time again.
I am here to work with others and to be of service. That means valuing others no matter what they believe, where they are in their journey and also opportunities that are presented to me in order to assist me or help me to learn and grow along the way.
I have learnt that it is important I value the opportunities, the people and the experiences that come into my life and give whatever I do 100%.
On the other hand, I have learnt how to recognise what I don’t value and how to can honour that energy in a way that feels empowering, expansive and also from a place of balance and love.
I can honestly say that I have now raised my awareness and been able to overcome the two different energies that were playing out in my life.
This has been a big shift for me and what better way to have energetically up levelled again than the full moon in Libra ‘balance and equilibrium’ and the 12th House of ‘Un-Doing’.
The 12th House has also been called the House of Karma, The House of Spiritual Debt for it contains the rewards and punishments for the deeds one commits in the world.
It is associated with psychic powers and the ability to discover at last the meaning of life. Our purpose and our power.
I have been able to find balance in my life between who I was for so long and who I came here to be.
This also plays out into my business because I am here to help people to relight their internal spark by finding ‘equilibrium’ in the mind body & spirit.
This was an important lesson for me to understand how I can embody that energy of being a leader and living my life’s purpose as a pioneer in the energetics of emotional mastery, but also understanding that I must find the balance between living as a functioning human being and valuing all that comes with it, whilst honouring the energy of my spiritual side and my souls work in the world.